1. We’re in ur perfek luv and trust, bidin ur rede like we must.
2. Dat fud urs, dis fud mine; keep in mind, an all be fine.
3. 3 times round that sirkl pass so evul spiruts CAN NOT HAS.
4. Kittehs wind up spell in ball by speekin it in wurds of LOL.
5. Sofft of paw and grate big ears; do not yowl and u shall heers!
6. Rightpaw round teh biggening moon, kittehs sing teh Witchc@t Roon.
7. Leftpaw round teh smalling moon, kittehs sing teh baneful tune.
8. Lady can has moon of new; kittehs hed-bash her times two.
9. When can has moon full enuf, then can has all sorts of stuff!
10. When North wind come, kitteh, take care! Srsly, iz cold out ther.
11. When South wind to kitteh sing, lov will come an smooches bring.
12. When teh West wind blow the mosts, iz no rest for kitteh ghosts.
13. When teh East wind stir teh air, fill teh bowlz wit fud to share.
14. In metal bukkit, put nine woodz; burn fast or slo, jus burnz em goodz!
15. Teh Elder is teh Lady’s tree. Be respektin it. Srsly.
16. When teh Year-Wheel starts to spin, lite Beltane fire FTW!
17. When Wheel iz turned and Yule is bornz, bow to Teh Ceiling Cat With Hornz.
18. Be respektin leafs and trees, and by teh Lady blessed beez!
19. Ur stone. U fling it. Strong and deft. (In streem, to find out WTF.)
20. When u has need of something moar, avoid kitteh who yowlz “NOT YOURS!”
21. Foolish cat iz foolish. U avoid him, or look foolish too.
22. Oh hai! I’ze purrin. Kthxbai! Warm kitteh heart, bright kitteh eye.
23. Teh Three-Fold Law: respekt it, pliz, cuz good or bad comez back in threez.
24. Misforchun? You has it, just a bit? Mai bloo star. Let me show you it.
25. Dis kitteh r mine, and I’z theyrs too. Keep this srsly 4 troo.
26. Teh Wiccan Rede can has wurds eight: kitteh harm none, do thy will. Thx! Grate!




The LOLcat Rede is copyright Elise Matthesen 2008; please do not reprint or repost without written permission. Permission can be gotten pretty easily by sending e-mail to elise@lioness.net. (I almost always say yes, but I love to find out how far it's spreading, and the permissions thing is good as a device to satisfy my curiosity on that.) Thank you. (And if you do reprint or repost without asking me, please please please include this paragraph so that my name and contact info go along with it so that the next person can ask, and I can find out how far it goes. If you see it out there anywhere uncredited, please tack this paragraph on. My catly curiosity thanks you.)


Thank you for all the comments. If you want to link, link with my blessing. Link As Thou Wilt. Heh.

(If you enjoy LOLcattizations, you might like G1NBERG's Teh L10n 4 Real, or some of the things in the next post.)

I'm running for city hall.




No shit.




Srsly.





I really am.

I went to the council chambers this morning to chat with the guy who looks after councillor applications and got all the information. My political activist neighbour has already voluteered to be my campaign manager.

You can find me on DeadJournal or DeviantArt. See my profile page for links.

A student has been suspended from school in America for coming to class dressed as a pirate.

( would you like to know more? )

This one is really old, but it's the best one I have of me at the moment...

A young homosexual man one day decided to come out of the closet to his mother. He sat down at the kitchen table while she was cooking, took a deep breath and said to her: "Mum, I have something to tell you. I'm gay."

She didn't look up, just kept on stirring the pot. He was about the repeat his statement in case she hadn't heard when she looked up at him and said matter-of-factly: "You're gay. Doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?"

"Uh, yeah mum, that's right."

She paused, nodded then whacked him over the head with the spoon. "Well then, don't you ever complain about my cooking again!"

I just love days like this. After a couple of days of heavy rain, the mist just comes down and blankets everything, cloud cover diffusing and heavily reducing the sunlight. You can only see a few kilometres ahead, and further than that everything is shrouded in grey-white oblivion. It's as though my environs are playing hide-and-seek.

The mist surrounds me, countless microdrops swarming madly though the air. The mists have a mystery of their own, a whispered promise of magic that only those so schooled can know and revel in. It's very nature speaks to the love of mystique within each of us, and tickles our innner child despite the bitter cold.

I've always loved the mist. Maybe it's a Pagan thing, maybe it's just me.

Monday Jun 18 05:00 AEST
By ninemsn staff

Northern Territory Police are on the trail of a streaker who disrupted an AFL game on Saturday night wearing a "mankini".

The pitch invader emerged during the Western Bulldogs v Fremantle game wearing the comically revealing swimwear, which was made famous in the Borat movie.

He outran security across the field and jumped back into the audience behind the scoreboard, where he was given clothes and disappeared into the crowd.

Acting Senior Sergeant Shaun Furniss told the NT News there was an "ongoing investigation" in search of the streaker, who could be fined as much as $5000.

"A security company had been tasked to provide security," he said.

"But when the guard tried to grab him, it appears as though he couldn't because the crowd was pushing him back."

Sen-Sgt Furniss said police would review video footage in a bid to identify the man in the mankini.

The maximum penalty for streaking at Australian sporting grounds varies, with a $5000 fine at the Telstra Dome, $7000 at the MCG, and $10000 at the SCG.

Kitlers!

I've seen one before, but now there's HUNDREDS OF THEM!

1. Tell me something obvious about you. [I'm intelligent.]
2. Tell me something about you that many don't know. [I was in a film once.]
3. What is your biggest fear? [The various phobias I possess. I'm not afraid of death or anything like that.]
4. Do you normally go the safe route or take the short cut? [Depends on how dangerous the short cut is. The last time I took a shortcut, I dislocated my kneecap.]
5. Name one thing you want that you can't buy with money. [The love of a beautiful woman.]
6. What is your most treasured possession? [My brain.]
7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do often? [I think about revenge and hurting people. It's understandable given the abuse I've suffered, but I still hate it.]
8. Tell me something about your sex life that I don't know. [I've wondered what it would be like to shag a guy.]
9. Tell me something about your sex life that everyone knows. [I'm big on bondage.]
10. What is your favorite lie to tell? [Nothing's going on right now.]
11. Name something you've done once that you can't wait to do again. [Kissed a guy. Yep, I really did it. It was quite interesting and not as bad as I thought it would be.]
12. Are you the jealous type? [Not really.]
13. What is the one person, place or thing you can't say no to? [An.]
14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you? [Sonya looked after me when I collapsed]
15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be? [Organize a Pagan pride event and go marching down the main street of town.]
16. When was the last time you cried? [When I wrecked my knee.]
17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered? [When I finally got with An.]
18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on? [Not really.]
19. Name something embarrassing you did while being drunk. [I don't drink, so I can't say.]
20. If you post this in your journal would you like me to answer it? [I insist you do.]

I'm 22 today. And I just spent half an hour being reassured by my cardiologist that I do not in fact need heart surgery (yay!) and that I only really need to worry about the anxiety.

From the Millenium Project front page:

Will we be here next week? (9/6/2007)
If it wasn't bad enough that the drought broke around my place last week and there are floods everywhere, but it seems that we are facing an imminent nuclear war. If I had known that I wouldn't have spent a holiday weekend helping my daughter to move into her new home - what's the point of carrying furniture up the stairs if it is all going to be ashes in a short time.

You might wonder why I am so pessimistic. It is because someone has told me that the world faces nuclear annihilation on Tuesday, June 12, 2007. That's next Tuesday!! I had been having discussions with this person for some time over a claim that eating pond scum could liberate swarms of stem cells into the body, therefore curing all ailments known to man (including, of course, all those cured by Mannatech sugars). I had been somewhat skeptical of this claim, and the person in question had accused me of being impolite when I suggested that he should (euphemistically) make love elsewhere and then expire. I was made aware of another side to this person's personality, a side where he is a follower of the prophet Yisrayl Hawkins. (You can read more about this prophet here.) The prophet has declared that Tuesday, June 12, is when nuclear war will engulf the world.

I am worried about time zones. Will the bombs start going off as soon as June 12 starts anywhere in the world? This particularly worrying to me as Sydney is one of the early adopters of dates. Will it only start when everywhere has experienced the date? If so, and the war starts in Hawaii, will the fallout take time to spread and will Australia be the last place to go, like in On the Beach? Should I wear a Hawaiian shirt or lots of sunblock? Should I pay my Visa bill or use the card to buy a Ferrari and drive around in an irresponsible manner until the mushroom clouds start mushrooming?

A question. Why is it that people who are convinced that the world is about to end are not prepared to give me all their money and possessions? Surely they aren't going to need these things after the end of time.



Well, it's June 12 over here, and I'm not a radioactive pile of ashes just yet, so I can safely quote Adam Savage: "This one's busted."

Bloody two-bit prophets... they give the whole lot a bad name...

This is the cover letter I just wrote (which took less than five minutes)

June 7, 2007
Tamworth Regional Council
Ray Walsh Building
Peel Street

Tamworth NSW 2340

Dear Council Members,

RE: Petition To Suppress Creationist Propaganda

We, the undersigned, express grave concern regarding the proliferation of Christian creationist propaganda within the Tamworth City Library. Issues of Creation magazine have been placed alongside scientific, hobby and technology periodicals, which gives the implication that creationism (a.k.a. Intelligent Design) is some form of science. This has been established not to be so – in actual fact, even His Holiness the Pope has decreed that Intelligent Design is a pseudoscience, which provides Bible scripture and theocratic propaganda in lieu of peer-reviewed evidence of a quality which would satisfy even the most basic of logical scrutiny.

The prevalence of ‘museums’ in the United States promoting Intelligent Design has influenced the educational system to such an extent that the Americans are in grave danger of losing their position as one of the world’s scientific leaders. To allow such propaganda to flourish here would inflict the same amount of damage on young impressionable minds, causing school-age children to turn away from the syllabus set forth by the schools they attend and become confused about what exactly constitutes science. To believe, for example, that Abel and Cain played with dinosaurs is a repudiation of decades of research and peer-reviewed analysis.

Our request is that such propaganda be banned from both the Tamworth City and Tamworth South libraries, or failing that, at least be moved to the Religion and Philosophy section where it belongs.
Sincerely,

All undersigned parties to this petition


In the meantime, I've simply contented myself with hiding the Creation magazines at the bottom of the piles.

I'm baaad. *evil grin*

Curing his friend of the sin of lust: http://www.ratbags.com/rsoles/video/v/healing1.wmv

And the accompanying article on the author's website:

http://www.ratbags.com/rsoles

This is HILARIOUS! Benny Hinn-style healing on the fly. I wonder how many Christians have actually seen this...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=dHwrC8L3m70

The song is terrible, and the costumes are worse. But it's absolutely hysterical!

"You're gay. It's O.K. It's a present from Jesus every day..."

I dislocated my left knee this time. The bus didn't come when I was downtown, so I had to walk home. Took a shortcut, tried to climb over a fence and my leg suddenly twisted in a weird way and the patella (kneecap) slid off the front and buried itself in the side of the knee. Can I just say OWWWWWWWW? Now I'm in a leg brace, on crutches, after the doctors managed to put it all back in order.

Sometimes I just can't get a break...

http://gprime.net/video.php/beerrobot

And it only spilled a little bit...